Just My Thoughts
by Redeyed
Summary: Sasuke's mind rambles much when others do not notice...what's comfort to him? Slight SasuNaru oneshot


Comfort

Breathe.

Breathe.

I couldn't.

Fuck.

Neck. Hurts.

Got. To. Breathe.

Saved. Dobe. From. Ice. Mirrors. Haku. Needles. Neck. Fucking. Hurts.

Got. To. Breathe.

Dammit.

Breathe.

Voices…

"Is he going to be okay?"

I took a breath. A wholesome, refreshing, fucking breath. Lungs are working now.

Opens eyes.

"Get out of my face," I told Iruka-sensei icily, coughing and sitting up. "Where's the idiot?"

Never mind that Iruka is NOT supposed to be here. He was giving me a strange look.

Froze.

"What?"

I was at the academy. Kakashi-sensei was nowhere in sight, nor was the baka. Children were running around. Free time, probably. Shaking my head, I felt an absence of twin weights on my arm. I checked them. They were bare.

Speaking of bare, they were also small.

Small small.

Eight-year old small.

The great Uchiha Sasuke screamed like a little girl and passed out.

"Are you okay?"

My hand went for the shuriken pouch I always kept by my bedside. I sprang up when I could not feel it.

Mother?

It was mother sitting besides my bed. The same black hair, dark eyes, and kind complexion. The same mother whom I clearly saw DEAD. It must have been a henge. I threw a hard punch at the imposter's face.

Whoever it was blocked it. "Sasuke, what are you…"

"Shut UP! SHOW YOURSELF!" I shouted, and then stopped. I had a high-pitched voice, very unlike my usual tone. My 'mother' gently put a hand to my forehead.

At that moment, Hell froze over. I recognized that touch.

Once, when I had been five, I caught pneumonia. Mother had stayed by my bedside all throughout the time, and I remembered her fingers as they worriedly checked my temperature. Her palms were cooling and soothing. My fever had been so high that I had trouble thinking, but I remembered my mother's hand clearly. No imposter could have possibly replicated that.

Slowly, my fist dropped. I stared at her, my MOTHER.

Alive.

I sprang onto mother, hugging her neck tightly and not wanting to let go. MOTHER.

Even if this was a dream, I did not want it to end. I could feel my MOTHER's touch again. Tears were streaming down my face, and I wailed like a little baby.

"How?" I choked through tears. MOTHER smiled down at me.

"It's okay," she said gently, not answering my question but sending waves of warmth down my spine. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Mother…" I buried my face in her shirt, staining it with wet happiness. "Mother…"

"Sasuke," she said. "Go to sleep…"

"Hai, oka-san," I said. Mother began to rock me back and forth, like she had done before, when I was three or four years old. I could feel myself sleep, I…

Woke up. Into the worried face of Sakura. And oxygen mask was on my face, hard an itchy and heavy. I let out a small groan, raising my hands into a vain attempt to sit up. I could feel tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes.

"Sasuke-kun!" she cried, helping me to sit up. Hands removed my mask. "You're awake!" Tissues dabbed at my tears. I felt a lump rise up in my throat. All of it was a dream. Mother was dead after all.

The tears came back, and I choked, burying my face in my hands. I haven't cried this hard since the day after that…….incident.

Sakura slowly moved away, a bit uneasy-looking at my breakdown. I tried to stop myself, but the sobs came harder.

"I'll get Naruto and Kakashi-sensei," she said, casting a worried look in my direction. And she left.

I choked again, swallowed, and temporarily stopped my tears, only to have them on me again.

The door was opened, and Naruto entered, looking ashen-faced. For me?

"Hey, Sasuke-teme," he said, not as loud as before, coming to my bed. I vaguely saw Kakashi enter, but my vision was blurred again by tears. I felt Naruto froze.

"Teme?" he asked, surprise betrayed in his voice. Was that pity I heard?

There was no fucking way I was going to let that happen.

"What's your problem, idiot?" I asked, my voice only faltering once. I lifted my head, eyes probably puffy from crying, to glare at him. I would not lose to him.

Naruto stifled a chuckle. "With those pink eyelids, you really don't look all that intimidating, asshole." He grinned his trademark grin, and bent down to mockingly pat my head. "Aww…is the great Uchiha bastard scared of the beddy-bugs?"

"No," I glared, silently thanking him for pausing that wave of tears. "Said Uchiha bastard is much more superior than you, so why doesn't the_ dead-last _just bow down and accept his inferiority?"

"Hey!" he shouted indignantly, slapping my shoulders. Sakura, meanwhile, was yelling something about "Sasuke-kun is just recovering! Don't do that dammit!"

I smirked. He stuck out his tongue. Sakura shouted.

Perhaps I was the only one who felt slightly uncomfortable? I wasn't supposed to, that much I knew. But there were questions on my mind, one of which…

"Kakashi-sensei?" I asked. "Why am I still alive?"

His visible eye lifted slightly. "Haku did not kill you," he said in a drawled-out voice, as though I was an idiot for not knowing so. "Instead, you were placed into a temporary death, purposely."

Well, excuse me, Copy Kitten.

Naruto's face lit up a bit more. "But now I know that the bastard CARES! Cares enough to DIE for me!"

I was about to protest, when I realized that he was absolutely right.

Kakashi's visible eye grinned at me, while he pulled out the newest edition of Icha Icha Paradise. I felt a strange feeling well up in my chest. Almost disbelievingly, I thought, I CARE?

Naruto was grinning at me. I stared at my palms. A cough rose in my throat. I leaned over the side of the bed.

I felt cool fingers brush my forehead, accompanied by a "Are you okay, bastard?"

"Mother," I mouthed, feeling pain once again in my vocal box. Naruto's fingers were exactly like MOTHER'S. When did that happen? I heard the rush of wind as Sakura rushed by my side, and I closed my eyes tightly, giving in to a coughing spasm.

Since when did Naruto feel like Mother?

Since when did I care for that idiot?

I pushed myself back up again as Sakura wiped my face with a towel. Frowning at the length of wall in front of me, I swung my legs over the left side of the bed. I pushed myself off. I was wearing a hospital uniform, without shoes, and my bare toes curled on impulse when they came into contact with the cold granite floor. I grabbed my headband off the dresser nearby, and tied it on as best as my shaky hands could.

"How long have I been here?" I asked coldly. I could feel Naruto's pout.

"Only a day," Kakashi replied with a lazy glance. I made for the door, and then remembered something.

"Are we still in Wave?"

"…..yes."

I whirled back. "I'm well now. Let's go back."

In truth, I just wanted to get away from the place that made me remember mother.

And when we are back at Leaf, I'll make sure to never let Naruto touch my head again.

Every time we lie awake,

After every hit we take,

Every feeling that I get,

But I haven't missed you yet.

Every roommate gets awake,

By every silent scream we make.

All the feelings that I get,

But I still don't miss you yet.

Only when I stop to think about it,

"Live, hate," Itachi said. I screamed, a kid again. I desperately covered my ears with my hands as his mouth moved again.

Mother and Father's bodies lay across the crimson floor.

Mother's dead.

Dead.

Dead.

I screamed again, and charged at Itachi, feeling hot tears burn their way down my cheeks.

I wanted to claw that body apart and lick the blood off his heart and eat it!

I woke up panting and sweating in bed. Luckily, I was not crying, though it had been over two years since I last had the same dream.

I stumbled my way to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water (and spilling about half a cup), and drained it in one gulp.

Still shaking pretty badly, I looked over at my clock.

4:16 a.m.

A little early, but I did not want to go back to sleep again. I showered and changed, and checked my weapon pouch, all the while trying to forget the dream.

Right before I closed my apartment door, I remembered that I still haven't eaten.

One meal couldn't hurt. I twisted my keys and heard the satisfying click.

"Sasuke-kun, you look pale," Sakura asked when she arrived, just as the sun was peering over the edge of the horizon.

I opened one eye. "Hn."

I was actually kind of glad for her early arrival. Standing by myself on the bridge for about five hours isn't really a good thing. I would have much rather preferred Naruto, (so we can spar, I silently reminded myself, not because I want to see him), but I was not the picky type.

Sakura was blushing at me. I took back what I thought earlier.

"Sasuke-kun? How's your wounds?" she asked me.

"What wounds?" I said.

"O…oh. That's good," she whispered, the red on her cheeks getting more apparent.

I rolled my eyes. If she was Naruto…

Hold your horses.

Stop that train of thought. DOBE is spelled D-O-B-E.

Good.

I glared at a nearby tree, and a squirrel scurried away as quickly as its tiny legs could go.

I sighed, and grieved quietly for my loss of sanity.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

Oh great.

Naruto's face fell as he approached and saw me.

"Aww! Why are you here?" an accusing finger.

"Baka. I'm supposed to be here," I said, keeping my voice low so that he had to strain to hear.

"Yeah," Sakura said. "I thought that was kinda obvious."

Naruto marched right up to me and glared at me nose-to-nose. He was a couple centimeters short. We locked into a staring match.

Prefect for my sour mood. I turned on my newly found Sharingan.

Mother…the thought entered, unbidden, into my mind.

I

Hate

Everything

About

You

Why

Do

I

Love

You

I

Hate

Everything

About

You

Why

Do

I

Love

You

Naruto stared defiantly into my garnet gaze. Blue and ruby clashed, and mother's face constantly hovered in my mind. I kept back a tear, afraid it would ruin my image.

I can't lose.

Mother's face.

Naruto's eyes.

I love my mother.

Do I love him?

………..why am I even thinking this?

But I think I know the answer.

"


End file.
